Ok first let me give you a little background…my inner critic’s name is Bertha and perhaps you’ve also named that tiny, extremely loud, often obnoxious and strangely constant, inner voice in your head who always seem to have an opinion about EVERY little thing. Have you ever wondered why the hell she/he/it exists. What purpose does it serve to have a voice inside your head, that sounds like you but only spouts out garbage that makes you feel small and shitty!
I’ve done some investigating
It turn’s out that your inner critic’s job is to keep you safe, out of danger, small, unseen, unheard and out of the way. And “how” it does this, (which causes me no end a grief) is it takes things you once believed to be true and manipulates them for it’s personal gain. It holds on to that time when you were six when Kevin, the brown haired boy from down the street was mean to you…and remembers in vivd detail when you were 16 and got passed up by the cool kids for being too loud.
It latches on to every moment in your past when you were hurt, where, because you needed to make sense of what happened and were too young to know the intricacies of interpersonal communication, made some seriously flawed assumptions about what you must have done wrong, how you were wrong and how you would never measure up to the magical standards that only those better than you seemed to be able to achieve.
Now, depending on your experience of the world, the rules, truths and beliefs it chooses to use are ones that you may still rely on to manage, understand and make sense of the world around you. Or they can be ones that, now as an adult with a better understanding of your Self, have left behind.
Regardless of which weapon it chooses
Every one is laced in shame (it’s real poison) and every word it utters is designed to have the biggest impact possible. It’s wicked, smart, evil and knows every one of your buttons.
Although some of us have louder, stronger more forceful inner critics, it is actually only a (small) part of you. And, kind of like a mosquito buzzing around your head while you’re trying to sleep, your Bertha can take up ALL of your attention to make you believe it is not just a part, but that it is in fact the whole YOU. It would have you believe that it is in charge, right and beyond questioning…Its cunning and when you least expect it, it can come across caring. It will even pretend like its putting YOU first. It is a master justifier and is excellent at “rewarding” you for staying small…and it’s rewards are juicy, immediate and delicious!
And what it doesn’t let you in on, is that it is also a fucking LIAR!
In the same way that we all do, your inner critic attaches itself to every “truth” you ever believed (when you needed to) that aligns with IT’S purpose, mission and values (which BTW are NOT the same as yours. Get clear on your values HERE). It is 100% committed to it’s work. It’s stubborn and unrelenting. It’s here to keep you safe and takes it’s job VERY seriously.
Like you, it created it’s understanding of the world by how it perceived all of your past experiences … through the lens of safety. It took to heart every low, painful moment and took up it’s cause more deeply and with every ounce of it’s being.
It desperately wants to protect you from experiencing NEW pain
It’s thinking, although a bit backwards, is that any dissatisfaction or unhappiness you are feeling now MUST be far better then anything UNKNOWN…It’s biggest fear…”What if it’s worse?”
Now, something I NEED you to remember…Everything IT IS… YOU ARE!
So every time you think it’s stronger, smarter, more than you can handle, remember that it is simply a small part of YOU…You in fact are 10X the person it pretends to be! And since it is a part of you, it can be talked to, in a way, reasoned with. It lives in the What if’s and if given the chance you may be able to walk it through your own What If scenarios…
To win the battle with this evil genius + be truly happy
You need to focus on what you DO want and develop the habits to replace it’s persistent thinking. If your inner critic is a persistent problem, it may be that it’s in the habit of being heard and listened to. To “break” this habit, the key is to create a new habit that aligns with what you DO want! And like any new habit you need to replace it with one that aligns with your values and YOUR vision for YOUR future. Focus on what you do want. Say the words you want to hear.
Replace Your Bertha with YOU!
It uses any statement, belief, idea and experience, that crossed it’s path that is rooted in shame. It adopts anything you ever heard, said, thought or read that supports, aligns with and matches it’s purpose, destiny, to “keep you safe”. And everything it accumulates for the sake of it’s mission strengthens it’s armour. The stronger it gets, the more it is able to build itself up. And you, my friend, can wield the same power.
You can use any statement, belief, idea and experience that crossed your path that is rooted in love. You can adopt anything you’ve heard, said, thought or read that supports, aligns with and matches what YOU want…and in order for you to do that effectively, you need to know what you want, create a clear picture of it in your mind and see how it aligns with your values.
You are stronger than your inner critic!
Your inner critic has simply had more practice at manipulating and capitalizing on your thinking. It may have had a foothold on your conscious awareness for years and up until now, you’ve simply been reacting instead of proactively manipulating your own thoughts in favour of JOY!
And what I really need to you know is that…
IT is NOT you, yes, it’s a permanent part of you but it is NOT the whole YOU.
Your inner critic is part of an intricate system, like the many other exquisite systems that make us human, its an integral component to your survival. Your brain, your mind, your soul is an intricate web of neurons, energy and power and your inner critic has evolved as part of our species, as part of the system, to keep you safe.
Your relationship with it, although not always understood, exists as a fluid dance, a back and forth, creating and recreating you constantly. A relationship that serves an important purpose…
This does NOT mean that you lie down and take every brick it throws…HELL NO
You also evolved with the power of CHOICE. It will present many scenarios that are all designed to keep you safe. And its your responsibility to look beyond it’s truths, make decisions that are in YOUR best interest and are aligned with YOUR values.
Weapons that can pierce it’s armour…
Love, trust, compassion, curiosity, self-celebration, growth, perspective, learning + connection. Your job is to break through the model of the world that your inner critic curates, to create the path to your real truth. Then run on that new path (over and over again) until it evolves from a tiny dirt trail to an 8-lane super highway.
Your brain is a miraculous muscle
And like most muscles, it only builds the areas you work on. When you choose to not engage and entertain your inner critic’s version of things, the 8 lane super highway it has built, naturally begins to fall way. Like a relic of a long lost civilization, it’s once powerful thinking gets overthrown by brush, monkeys and greenery lush with love and potential.
Winning the battle with your inner critic is done when you commit to doing 3 very distinct things:
- Focus on the love you have for YOU (not the hatred you have for it)
- Reflect on it’s words, ideas and visions…(no matter how volatile) with curiosity + compassion (this guide will help).
- Acknowledge it’s purpose, then agree to disagree with it’s methods. Remember that to truly end the battle with your inner critic… YOU MUST STOP FIGHTING!
Your journey is an independent one + YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
Invite people in who will help you to fortify your vision (one that moves you beyond your inner critic’s narrow view of the world and aligns beautifully with your values), and get exactly what you need to consistently put your inner critic in the back seat where it belongs!
Get back in the driver’s seat and Say YES to YOU!
What you can do today to go
from HOT MESS to AWESOMENESS!
- Find out what matters most to you! Download this Values Assessment
- Learn how to but through your Inner Critic’s Bull-Shit! Download The Guide to Being F’N HAPPY!
- Access ALL my strategies and get my consistent support! Book a Discovery Call and find out how we can work together!