The short answer…practice!
The habit of putting yourself last is built the same way every habit is built, by practicing certain beliefs, thoughts, feelings and behaviours…In this case the beliefs are fuelled by fear, the thoughts and feelings are wrapped in shame and it’s perpetuated by the constant reinforcement from the low vibe people we attract!
Side Bar #1 We attract and feel “comfortable” with people who match our own vibration… and our vibration comes directly from our beliefs, thoughts & feelings!
Do you have a habit of putting yourself last?
When someone with a full busy life, prioritizes their happiness and does something that is just for them, what is your response?
“How can they do that?”
“I’m too busy [to put myself first]!
“There’s no way I could do that!”
Maybe you don’t hear those exact words, but instead your body rejects the idea, you feel angry, uncomfortable, self-righteous, justified, afraid!
What is more important than you?
Think about what you you’re so busy doing and why you can’t find the time and energy to do things that are just for you? I wonder…what beliefs/thoughts/feelings are getting in your way?
Do you believe that the hot messes of life (other people’s problems, expectations and needs) consume all of your time & energy, and that there’s no room on your already ‘way to long’ to-do list for anything else? Does a part of you believe that if you keep all the chaos contained, you’ll be ok?
I get it, you’re a very responsible person, kind and giving. You’re also busy AF, solving all the problems & carrying 100% of the mental load. I know you think life will be easier when everyone around you is happy and taken care of and so you strive to go above and beyond at everything you do. You may not always feel like it, but you’re the Queen of “making it all work” and I bet being stressed has been your ‘normal’ for a very long time.
And here’s the Tea
Doing everything you can to make everything work, all the time, is the reason you can’t do everything all the time to make everything work!
The constant stress, hyper-vigilance, preparation, planning, managing of the emotional load, escaping, numbing and rebounding that it takes to do all the things, all the fucking time, depletes every ounce of energy you need to actually be the person who can show up fully for yourself and for the people, situations and life experiences that matter most to you!
Instead of spending ALL your time and energy (and money) cleaning up all the hot messes around you, you could get to the root issue behind your exhaustion, resentment and sense of powerlessness? What if you could detach yourself from those hot messes, experience more joy and learn how to flourish? What would that be like?
I’ve been where you are
I know what this kind of stuck feels like. I know how alone it feels to be the one doing all the things, helping everyone else, desperately wanting to fix yourself and not knowing how. The “shoulds” get really fucking heavy and escaping (into substances, other people’s problems, work or any other ‘socially acceptable’ way to numb) feels like the only answer!
Side bar #2 … Have you started to notice that the things you’ve always done to help you “get through the day” aren’t really cutting it anymore? In case you didn’t know…that’s a sign that you’re nervous system is tapped out and your body is pushing back!
I remember wishing for a magic pill (or mug of vodka) that would make everything better
And it took me years of searching through many dark places to figure out that even though there is no one thing that will instantly “make life better”, there are so many small easy things you can practice that make a HUGE difference.
The most monumental transformations in my life all began with VERY small shifts. And one of my biggest takeaways has been that…
The change you’re looking for is not going to happen to you, it will happen through you, through the choices you make and what you believe to be true!
Up until this point many of the beliefs, thoughts and feelings, that you’ve practiced and mastered, served you well. They helped you to survive toxic situations, made it possible for you to achieve goals and helped you amass tons of skills, learn on the fly and find the strength to show up here, now!
And if you’re feeling stuck, under-appreciated, exhausted by life and like something is missing, it simply means that the time is right to practice something new!
What you practice you get good at
You are ALWAYS practicing something
What you practice is your choice
You’re not alone!
Woven into both the Hot Mess to Awesomeness Society & Coaching Program is my comprehensive and compassionate mind-body approach to change.
Based on the 3-part principle of Pay Attention-Play With Options-Practice and the intuitive art of slow and steady integration, you can learn to build the habit of putting YOU 1st – silence your inner critic, eradicate the ‘shoulds’, improve the relationship with yourself (and others), create more ease in your body and be fucking happy!
Start building the habit of putting YOU 1st today!
1 – Book your (free) 45 min Spark Session and find out if my Hot Mess to Awesomeness Coaching Program is right for you!
Over the past 5 years I’ve coached over 100 clients, and regardless of the unique problems they struggled with, or how their pain showed up for them, whether they felt unworthy, unlovable, powerless or not-enough, every person had the same root issue…a core set of common beliefs (stemming from their personal experiences and influences) that manifested as a habit of putting themselves last, and in many cases the habit was so ingrained that they didn’t even know they had a choice.
It takes Clarity, Courage & Confidence to re-write your story and to fully embrace your fucking awesomeness…and although that sounds nice, what it really takes to build the habit of putting YOU 1st, is a commitment to do the work when your inner critic screams STOP and a willingness to take 100% responsibility for your experience of this one precious life you’re living!
Book your Spark Session now and find out if this AWESOME and intensive Coaching Program is right for you! Three of my current clients are graduating this month and I’d love to offer you one of the available spots in my schedule!
2 – Become a Society Member
When you become a Hot Mess to Awesomeness (not so) Secret Society Member you’ll have the opportunity to authentically connect with other amazing women and access a safe place to (slowly) explore and unpack what you can do, how you want to feel and what you want to experience more of.
Anchored in the belief that self-love is the root of authentic happiness; The Society invites you to explore and practice the principles of Flourishing so that you can fully embrace the awesome life you are living. Members of this awesome community are encouraged to show up authentically, be open to learning and committed to having fun!
Each Society Membership Level includes access to my most valuable resources, and for those who want “all the things”, a minimal monthly fee will get you a seat at every (in-person & online) meeting and full access to retreats, tools and inspirational courses and coaching.
After you become a member, remember to sign up for our next Society Meeting on May 3rd!
3 – Rebuild your relationship with YOU!
One of the easiest ways to practice putting YOU 1st is through journaling.
Whether you’re new to journaling or have been doing it off and on for years, THIS Inspirational Journal, with handlettered art (done by yours truly) and ass-kicking reminders of your awesomeness on almost every page, will guide you through every Hot Mess to Awesomeness moment and help you learn how to make time for you!
Grab a copy and access all the insights and supports that will help you practice putting YOU 1st!
Say Yes to You in all the the ways that feel right for you!
1 – Book your free 45 min Spark Session
2 – Become a member of the safe supportive Secret Society
3 – Purchase an Inspirational Journal
You’ve Got This & I’ve Got You!
Join The Hot Mess to Awesomeness