Most importantly of which…
That although you may flip flop between anger (fear with shitkickers on) and gratitude over and over…They cannot coexist…you can’t be both angry and grateful simultaneously. Fascinating!
So how do we get better at gratitude…
If gratitude is the antidote to anger (and fear); it would make sense to adopt the ever-popular gratitude practice. And I see you over there pulling out your journal right before bed…or at least thinking about pulling your journal out (or maybe that’s just me) and writing down THE 3 things you’re grateful for…I also see that more often than you’d like, you put that journal down and lay your head down and the thoughts of what went wrong and what could go wrong, pop up.
I know you revisit THE 3 things you’re grateful for, hoping they will be big enough to push out the shit that is trying to make it’s way into your headspace…And I know you flip flop…you go back and forth reminding yourself of how grateful you are (and should be)…feeling shitty about the shoulda, coulda, wouldas. And, if you’re like me, you might even have one of those half-ass moments where you get angry because you’re supposed to be grateful and now you’re stuck feeling inadequate that you can’t even do gratitude right…FUUUUUCK. So what’s the secret to replacing anger with gratitude.
First, we need to know why!
Why do we lean on anger and find it hard to be grateful. Why, when things are shitty, do we not only get overwhelmed by it but we also choose to sit in it?
I was talking with a friend, a fellow imposter syndrome sufferer, and we were wondering why we don’t do the same thing when things are going well. Why don’t we succumb to feeling AWESOME the way we do when things start turning sideways. We thought it was interesting that we need to consciously engage in and practice mindfulness in order to “notice” how well things are going. And yet when things suck, there is no need for me to stop and notice…I am FULLY aware of when things suck!
So what is it?
Is it just the way things are…is it a habit? Is it something that we can alter? Can we become better at instantly being aware when things are awesome and wrapping our entire worlds with awesome in the same way that we do when shit gets a little to REAL?
Can Murphy’s Law work both ways?
In the same way that after I stub my toe, drop my coffee and yell at my kids (because I had no one else to yell at) and I unconsciously utter under my breath… “Great, I’m going to have this kind of day…FUCK! Could I, as easily and effortlessly, decide that after finding my favourite sweater that I thought was lost (under the table I kicked), having time for a second coffee (after spilling the first), hearing the kids be kind to each other (even though they were hit pretty hard my shame storm) …I will say ”Great, I’m going to have this kind of day…AWESOME!”
What can be done to split these experiences apart? They occurred on the exact same day…intertwined with each other… How do you bypass WTF and land on AWESOME?
I have had this day on more than one occasion…I had this day yesterday! And there is only one thing that determines what I utter under my breath…ME!
Every day I must decide whether to see the world through the lens of anger or gratitude…and here’s the thing I really want you to know, your ability to see through the lens of gratitude is influenced by a variety of things…things that easily get forgotten when you are mired in the crap! Things that are lost to you once the lens of anger is chosen.
Here’s what I’m really talking about
In order to get better at applying the lens of gratitude to your life you must choose to BE AWESOME!
I know AWESOME is not a word everyone uses … for me AWESOME means being aligned with your values, aware of your thoughts and behaviour and willing to act with integrity. In order to move into a state of gratitude and hold it you need to BE and FEEL AWESOME.
Your awesomeness is rooted in your capacity to BELIEVE that:
- You deserve to be
- You can be
- Your Awesomeness is non-negotiable (which then makes #1 and #2 pretty simple)
And what I’ve uncovered is that these beliefs are rooted in self-love.
So, what’s love really got to do with it?
Again, in my chat with my fellow imposter syndrome sufferer, we discussed at length the idea of self-love…the trendiness of the word…how, for so many women, the idea is foreign and uncomfortable.
Have you noticed, that as a society, we are happy to talk about being loved and the love we have for others, yet we aren’t in the habit of being in love with ourselves? (And yes I know there is a whole other conversation here… the (further) collapse of the economy if all of a sudden we focused on honestly loving ourselves…Imagine how many companies, services, products design to fix us, would disappear…SHIT…but let’s save that for another day!)
The word LOVE is something that many of us reserve for other people and in her book The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown states:
“We are only capable of loving others as much as we love ourselves.”
How do you love yourself?
When you choose to look through the lens of anger it diminishes your capacity to love and be loved. This lens (like the lens of love) ensures that everything that passes through it matches your energy level and mirrors your beliefs.
What is the solution?
We need to believe in an alternate reality in order to see it come to light. You’re right, your life will always turn out the way you believe it will…so decide what you believe. Go back to the roots of a healthy gratitude practice…specifically #3, Your awesomeness is non-negotiable…When you truly believe this, the lens of anger stops fitting, becomes too uncomfortable to wear and you’re left with love + gratitude…YES PLEASE!
When being AWESOME is non-negotiable, no other option exists and your life WILL fall into place. By aligning, being aware and acting with love, gratitude becomes your knee jerk response to what life throws at you and your capacity for self-love will be boundless.
Where to begin…
Begin to rebuild a trusting and loving relationship with YOU! Talk to yourself, through your journal (I know you have more than one…pick one up and start writing). Get curious about who you are…what you want…and how the lens of AWESOME can shift your perspective.
- Show up for yourself
- Take yourself on dates
- Move your body
- Drink more water
- Choose more food that honours your awesomeness
- Decide every day (multiple times a day if necessary) that your AWESOMENESS is non-negotiable
And as your life unfolds, get in the habit of noticing and enveloping your entire day in AWESOMENESS!
This is more than an idea, it is a way of life created when you of align your mind, are aware of your body and act with your soul. You can make Murphy’s Law work for you…
Imagine a life where this is what you hear yourself say…
“Great, this is the kind of day I’m going to have…AWESOME!”