Today is…well it’s pretty fucking awesome!!!!
I am so amazed that this day is finally here…
Website Launch Day!!!
But before we get into that…indulge me as a take a minute as I just want, NEED, to start off with one of many necessary huge thank-yous…this is a big shout out to my friend and master web designer Leanne Kodsmann!!! Her friendship, support and supreme genius made today possible. I have no idea how to make a website and clearly she is an absolute expert!! She has taught me so much and her constant positive attitude gave me the confidence to take this huge leap!!! Thank you Leanne 🙂 There are so many others who have helped make this day possible…my family, friends, co-workers, followers…I can’t thank you enough for all of your support and guidance I would not be here if it wasn’t for you!!!
As some of you know I have been busting my ass for over a year doing everything and anything my heart didn’t even know that I wanted! It started last spring when I hit a huge low…let’s call it depression…let’s call it deep sadness, let’s call it super fucked up because that is what it was. I struggled almost every day to find an ounce of positive energy but as we all know once you are in that pit of black sludge , that pit of pure negativity it is really hard to find your way out. Now if you were around me at that time you may not have known how bad it was but I am sure you could tell that I wasn’t right. I blame nothing, I blame no one…I am the product of my own thinking and it just turns out my thinking really fucking sucked.
Fortunately I had surgery and things began to improve…what?!? No, no, there is no surgery for depression but there is a surgery that removes the part responsible for dumping mood altering chemicals in your body once (and in my case because I am just lucky like that twice) a month. I had a hysterectomy (not something I am recommending here…just my experience) and literally from that moment on I have NOT had one day of serious depression! I have had shitty days and things aren’t perfect but the impact of estrogen and progesterone on my body, which had been disabling since I was a teenager, is gone…FOREVER!
Enough about how shitty things were…let’s talk about how awesome things got. During my 7 weeks of recovery, I took some much-needed time to sort out who I was and what I really wanted from my life. What did I want to contribute to this world and how could I make a difference. Enter a series of books, podcasts, blogs, TED talks and new friendships. Again I believe that I am a product of my own thinking so it was time to change my brain. I submerged myself in self-help shit I normally would have thought was crap. I started to actually believe that there is a real Secret…and that is I have all of the power to do anything, be anything, and achieve any goal as long as I am willing to do the work.
That was the secret for me, do the work! So I decided that every minute that I was breathing I would be doing work (that doesn’t actually feel like work because it makes me feel awesome) and achieve every goal I didn’t even know that I had.
In November things got rough for my family, in one week we found ourselves surrounded by death, loss and sadness and it was then that I truly decided that I would no longer sit around waiting for illness or death to start my life. By the end of November I started to really work on my art and my writing. I was committed to working every day, even if I had no idea where I would end up I knew that I would end up in a better place than where I started.
Call it the Universe, call it God call, it the power of Snap, Crackle and Pop if you like, what I call it doesn’t matter, what matters is that I know that there are many things that happen because they need to and it is my job to be open to each and every possibility (and do the work).
This picture is of my vision board from November…and although I haven’t even hit half of this stuff what I have accomplished has helped me to believe that everything I want from life is possible.
Today is fucking awesome. For the first time in my life I know that my life, my story has a purpose and that is to be shared. I am proud of the paths I’ve taken and the mistakes I’ve made because they have brought me here! I hope you continue with me on this journey, we are meant to be in each other’s lives, sharing, learning, caring. Thank you for being a part of my life and making this the BEST day EVER!!!!!!