I did it. I decided to decide. It happened, I came outside and it happened right there on my front stoop. Through the door, fuzzy feet and all.

(Actually the slippers weren’t mine. The part of me that knew I needed to decide also knew that looking for mine would take too long. I didn’t have time to lose my faith, to lose my courage, to lose my self looking for what I should wear and grabbed what I needed. I needed fuzzy rainbow slippers that are owned by a 6 year old. Her youthful energy invigorated me and returned me to where I needed to be…outside in the brisk morning air. There for the world to see.)

The birds were singing Daaa–vid, Daaa–vid …at least that is what I heard as soon as I sat down. (You know the tune, the birdsong of the black-capped chickadee). In their song I always hear the story my husband told me many years ago of how he thought the birds where singing just for him. On this day I heard them singing and I realized very quickly, that they were singing just for me.

What I heard that morning, wrapped in my housecoat and rainbow slippers, morphed from the name of my love into a reminder…

Deee—cide.

I listened with every part of me….

Deee—cide.

It  was beautiful tune.
One that once heard can not be unheard.
It echoed through my mind, like birdsong through the air.
Distant parts of myself longing for connection finally able to hear each other.

Through the fog, and distractions, cars barreling by
All the parts, all the birds, singing to each other, to me.

Many distinct harmonious sounds.
Longing to know what …to know why.

Deee—cide.

A beautiful musical to witness.
Outside … the cacophony of my life split open
I finally heard my song.

Sung for the first time a long time ago…made when the pain appeared
All the parts of me have simply been waiting to see, to hear, to feel it.

Resistance, chosen, perceived, created
Muted my song
Masked as pros & cons.
Responsibility.
Inevitability
The only way…

I finally heard my song.
Unmasked resistance
Surrendered

Leeeet—go

Oh the glory of surrender,
I longed for it…
I could almost taste it.
It felt forbidden, distant, fleeting.
I was excited.

Deee—cide

And so I did…
Tune out what no longer serves.
Tune out what is not mine.
Tune in.
Believe in and choose to hear the harmony inside the cacophony.

Quiet now
Deep listening.
Crow caw… then a sweet tweet, tweet then again for the last time…

Deee—cide

The birds don’t care about the rush of life that is trying to drown out their song; they keep singing.
They keep reaching out for the parts of themselves that are far away, forever present.
They believe, trust, know, that when they sing, they are heard, they are not alone.

They ignore the rattle and raucous of the cacophony…

The cacophony begs…
Be here…do this…go faster…be…do…NOW…rush…meet expectations…do what your told.

NO! 

Even as a whisper
I am not alone.
The birds keep singing.
Beautiful and valuable.
Heard, faint through the cacophony.

My song
Made of JOY, love and laughter.
Changes everything and nothing
Bringing JOY, allowing JOY, inviting JOY.

Heard, faint through the cacophony.

I have to go…
I hear my Self calling…
It’s time to sing…

Shine On Write Through To Your Light