I see you out there. Pondering. Waiting patiently. Holding your dream in your heart like a secret. You might be waiting for permission (stop that btw) or for a sign (here’s your fucking sign). You are probably feeling a shit-ton of fear (normal) and all the while you’re doing your best to convince yourself that fear is a good thing (which can be true if a bear is chasing you).

What I would like you to know is that fear of doing that thing, that I am pretty sure you were hatched on this planet to do, is simply a figment of your imagination…So imagine if you will, that although fear does have its place in keeping you safe from “lions and tigers and bears, oh my!” Right now it is just getting in the way. So thank your fear for having your back and imagine it stepping out of the driver’s seat and parking its ass in the back seat. Turn the music up loud and hit the gas…fear is done driving.

So if you are with me and you are able to set your fear where it belongs, be prepared because there may be some unexpected fear heading your way that you will need to fight off. Fear that actually belongs to someone else, put on you by people you believe to be with you on this journey.

I didn’t know I would have to fight their fear too…

The day arrived, you finally decided to take that huge leap. You had been thinking about it for days, weeks, months, fucking years and the day finally came for you to let go of all of your fears (and there were plenty) and follow that passion, that desire, that has been popping up in your thoughts and dreams for EVER.

Since you made the decision (that will change your life forever), you have been stewing on the idea of sharing it with the world, writing out scenarios in your journal, lying awake for hours replaying each possible outcome, planning steps on post-it notes and scratch pads. Sorting out the money (fuck there won’t be enough), figuring out the daycare (shit how are we going to swing that), and pretty much imagining every horrible scenario of it not working. But…

You have been consistent and persistent in the exploration of what makes you come alive and lights you up.

AND…

You have done your homework and you know deep down that you want to, need to, follow your heart.

The anticipation started to build and the negative scenarios and fears started to fall away one by one. Then came the day that you felt you just couldn’t contain your excitement anymore. You thought you might actually burst from the joy that was surging through every part of you. You figured most people might think that you were crazy (you sometimes think that you’re crazy) but you had faith that the people you love the most would support you 100% (or at least for the most part).

Then in a fairly calm and subtle way, you dropped the bomb. You let them know in the most “meh no biggie but…” way that you plan to up-heave your entire existence to follow a dream that has been burning inside you, before you even knew IT existed. Every version of this scenario even the instances where you imagined it going badly didn’t even begin to compare to the shit-storm that they threw at you!

What makes you think you can do that?

That’s not what you went to school for?

What does your husband think?

Have you lost your mind?

That’s not what I thought my (our) money would be spent on?

Have you thought of how this will impact your children?

Have you even considered how you will make ends meet? You know you won’t make any money for at least a year.

My friend’s daughter tried the exact same thing and she failed miserably and she felt like a failure.

I hope you have thought this through?

I wouldn’t do something so risky with my family’s money but that’s just me.

Obviously my opinion doesn’t matter much … you didn’t even ask me what I thought before you just went ahead and decided.

Okay so right about now you feel like absolute dog shit. Every fear that you have already put to bed because, (by the way), you are a wonderfully intelligent women who for years has been putting everyone else’s needs in front your own, is popping back up.

Actually you are not even sure you can make a decision without thinking how it will impact your kids, their education, their extra-curricular activities, their friendship groups, your husband, his job, his friends, your family, holidays, whether or not you will still have time to make lunches, clean the house and do the laundry.

You always think of every fucking thing before you even consider having your own thoughts, dreams, ideas or opinions and the moment your trusted person questioned the idea that you may have forgotten to do any of that, cuts you down to feeling like an inconsequential subhuman, like a failure of a wife, daughter, and mom.

But here’s the thing…

FUCK THAT!

Fuck the fact that your person doesn’t really have a clue about what you want, who you are or how to talk to you. The reality is it is not their job to appease you, to support you without question or to understand…actually you knew they wouldn’t get it and yet you knew you couldn’t hide it from them any longer. So you took a chance and well it didn’t go as you had hoped. People were bound to notice you not going to work anymore, the fact that you moved out of the country or that your house is now filled with the passion pieces you make during the wee-hours of the morning. So here you are knee-deep in what is absolutely going to be the most amazing time of your life, and you are all alone and the fears are creeping back in. What do you do next?

My thoughts…

You thank your (non)supportive person for their concern and confidently remind them that the woman they raised, married, supported and loved for years is intelligent, thoughtful, passionate and driven.

Don’t defend.

Don’t fight.

Allow yourself to let go of other people’s fears and…

Leave them with love and light and set yourself on the path you know belongs to you!

Then promptly turn your ass around and find your fucking tribe of amazing like-minded super-fucking-stars, that know that what you are dreaming of is not batshit crazy. They are out there, in that Facebook group, following the same blogs as you.

They are waiting to meet you.

They know what you are going through. They have been there. They’re fears have gotten the best of them once or twice and now they want to share what they have learned with you. Trust that they will love you hard and be there every single time doubt creeps in and when your loved-ones doubts appear.

I believe in you! Your people will too…stay true to you!

Dionne

All good things are rooted in love, laughter and learning!

P.S Join the In Her Element Facebook group and get the encouragement and support you are looking for!

P.P.S. Read a bit more about my battle with fear HERE and HERE