I’m on my way to where I am meant to be…The past few weeks have been (and continue to be) about acceptance. I have really begun to settle into my new identity…Entrepreneur… I am not fully there…I haven’t fully released myself from my identity as “school board employee” but I have started to see myself differently. This shift is profound and necessary…just like any great loss in our lives we must go through the grieving process, the last stage of which is acceptance. I am grateful for the time and energy to process all that is coming up. Huge WIN for me as I take small steps… Has your sense of identity shifted and now you find yourself stuck in one of the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression)? Often we assume we are supposed to just “get there” just adjust fluidly when change happens… Good or bad, shifts in our lives that impact our sense of identity, our sense of self can trigger the grief process. Owning this and allowing ourselves to move through the stages with the knowledge of where we are and the awareness that when we arrive at acceptance, we will experience a greater sense of self-connection and a decrease in overwhelm. I have done my best and… Every once and while when I think I’ve got this whole “being authentic” thing figured out… I mean I am an Authenticity Expert right?!? Then life… well… life throws me a curve ball and I begin to seriously doubt myself…maybe just to see if I am paying attention. Well guess what?
I’m paying attention!What I have come to understand is that being authentic does NOT mean being without doubt or fear or anxiety. It simply (not easily) is that, when the shit-storm arrives we have a better idea of where it came from (spoiler…it comes from us…our thoughts and perceptions and a lack of self-care), what we can do to help it pass (another spoiler…increase self-care 1000000%) and how we can decrease the frequency and intensity of it (and yes the answer here my friends is…wait for it…more f’n self-care!).
I hit one of my, now rather annoying, blocks this week…
Seriously there must be a pretty deep lesson that I need to learn.
This particular block keeps coming up over and over again.This time, I wasn’t exactly prepared, however I did recognize it for what it was and then took action to overcome it. (Not immediately mind you…I sat in the shit-storm for a few days just to make sure I knew what I was dealing with…yeah… that’s why!!!) I have yet to “name” my block. Or define where the doubt comes from. I have done some work with a few coaches and have done an okay job at understanding it, but it’s still a work in progress. The closest I have come up with is…
“My success isn’t real unless everyone agrees.”Now for an entrepreneur, that is a bit of a slippery slope. Because how do you measure “agreement” with a digital audience? Or even with a face-to-face one for that matter? Money? Yes, that is one way…and unfortunately for me it was the way I was “counting” on. And by counting I mean literally watching my analytics on my website and social media…which by the way is total “crazy making”. Not to mention that one of my negative coping strategies, when I get bogged down in the shit-storm, is to allow myself to get sucked down the rabbit hole of social media. And all the extra time I was on Facebook and Instagram “doing work” just led to hours, and I mean fucking hours, of mindless, mind-sucking scrolling. (Guess what? Last I looked no one is paying me to scroll Facebook soooo….) I know better…I know that the purpose of my business is not to make money. Although I also know that money is necessary to move me past surviving into thriving. The exchange of currency between me and a client does ensure that I can continue to do the work I am meant to do on this planet and therefore have a greater positive impact. So yes money is important, but what I have chosen to focus my attention on, this go around with my fear and doubt, is my impact. Using the mindset of abundance…I am focusing on the 3 ultimate currencies, where money is but one. Time and energy are also valuable measures of exchange.
So there I was literally waiting and ignoring the gift of time and influx of positive energy.It’s as if I had turned off my brain receptors that are set to receive that information and allowed myself to fall deeper and deeper into the ick and the doubt. All the while, everything I needed to stay positive and propel myself forward, was all around me. All I had to do was decide to see it.
So that’s what I (finally) did!
And when that happened (this morning during my reflective writing) I instantly started to feel different. I chose to remember that at the root of all abundance is gratitude and I had so much to be grateful for.
Doubt can not survive where gratitude thrives
And just in case I wasn’t sure…2 hours from that moment, I came across a note I received a while back from one of my daughter’s teachers.
She shared with me beautiful, kind words of how the gifts of handlettered art that I (Adeline) had given her at Christmas and for the end of the year, had made a significantly positive impact on her and her family.
I was instantly brought to tears (again) because in that moment I realized that my impact on this planet is so much more than I can see.
Ripples in the pond. I simply have to choose how I make them. It is not for me to decide or even concern myself with how the ripples wash up on other shore’s as long as I know that my intention at any given moment is to be my most authentic self.The rest of my day was filled with similar moments, reminders of the impact I am having on this planet. Meaningful moments of simplicity and enormity that I will cherish.