…but not with what I need.
This unscheduled post comes to you because…well… I needed a place to put these feelings and I knew you would understand.
I am feeling all the feelings I think I can handle right now. As a burgeoning empath I often forget to protect myself from the negative and painful energy of others. I have gotten better at dismissing those that are blatantly negative…although I may sometimes still get pulled in, I can break away, breathe through a quick reflection, choose to return to a more positive place and release the negativity back to the earth where it can be recycled (like when plants “recycle” CO2 into O2 :))
Today however caught me a bit off guard as the energy that I absorbed was painful, not negative. Sadness. I should have known it was coming…My daughter (who is very in tune with the energy of others) got up early, 5:45am and insisted on watching Inside Out with me…which if you haven’t seen it provides a variety of insights regarding human emotions, specifically the value of sadness. Was I primed by this movie to receive more sadness? More open? More aware? Did I perpetuate it? (I doubt that last one).
What I do know, is that as a person who often attracts beautiful and magnificent people when they are in a state of transition, being bombarded with the sadness of others is not new. And yet I was still caught off guard today. I am grateful for the deep awareness I now have when this happens. In the past, I would simply find myself low in someone else’s pit with little to no knowledge as to how I got there. Unfortunately even with all that awareness, today, I still found it difficult to get out…it takes time, it takes concentrated effort and removal of distractions…all things I, as the lone parent tonight, didn’t really have.
What I wished for, as I did my best to be at my best while I processed this pain (that was not really mine) and maintained my composure and support for owner of these feelings, was… time to feed my body and my soul, (avoiding quick fixes, like the tumbler of vodka that begged to be poured…that I didn’t pour)…the energy to parent without the iPad and most of all someone to talk to. I am blessed with wonderful friends who would be happy to let me talk…sometimes making that happen is all about timing…and this time I couldn’t make time work for me.
In lieu of an ear, I am here and I am so grateful for the page and these keys, they are patient and kind. They listen without passing judgment. Provide solace, time and space as I process and make it possible for me to release myself from the foreign energy.
I am grateful for the friend who instinctively took my children for an hour giving me a few minutes of quiet time to eat, decompress and hydrate with H2O (not OH-). Upon the return of my beautiful and gracious children, who were more than happy to entertain themselves, I managed to sneak in a 5 minute bubble bath, 10 feet away from them without so much as one “Maahhhhhmmmmmmmmeeeeee!”…maybe parenting with the iPad is not so bad.
I feel better, I feel like I have reconnected with what matters and I will now spend the rest of this evening snuggled up with my little balls of positive light.
Thank you for being here, for being present for me.