In my before life, I worked very hard to be who I thought I was supposed to be.
The fact that I was being seen never even occurred to me.
Recently I realized that I was so busy that I didn’t notice my Self sneaking out in my unconscious behaviour; in my friendships, my work relationships, and in solitary acts I had no idea people took notice of. I would find myself amazed when someone really saw me or really heard me. When someone took the time to pay attention to the me I assumed wasn’t real, I would be utterly amazed.
Turns out I was being seen by everyone but me.
When I first met my now husband, I sensed our deep connection right away and for a very long time I didn’t really know why or how I knew that he was my life partner…I just knew. Looking back, I realize that he, as a soulful intuitive, was able to see past the walls I thought were impenetrable and fell in love with a women I didn’t know existed.
He saw parts of me, of my soul, I could not allow myself to be vulnerable enough to acknowledge.
It sparks a radiant hope within me to know that I have been here all along…sharing what I could of myself. My brave soul encouraging my true friends to be patient and have the courage to dig a bit deeper, knowing that one day I would let the walls come down and would need them to hold space for me as I re-discovered the world around me.
I am immensely privileged to have beautiful people in my life and am in awe of the continuous stream of gracious souls that enter my life every day.
If we have been friends for the long haul or just recently met, know that I consider you a star!
Have you undergone a transformation of sorts? Then perhaps you can relate to the intriguing sense of deja-vue that I experienced and still do from time to time. As I undergo deep transformative change, which seems to be occurring at a cellular level, I am often surprised at the intense elation I feel in knowing I have changed, in learning and growing. Then as I reflect, as I do daily, I come to realize that these new learnings about myself are actually not that new, they are simply new to my awareness. And sometimes they are not even new to my awareness it’s just that now the ground is fertile enough for the change to take root in my consciousness.
Recently I uncovered a journal entry from 2009, pre-kids, pre-Masters, pre-any type of growth and there I was, scattered all over the page.
(I used to start journals with a naive sense of hope…each one never had more than 4 entries…and to think I am currently on my 10th consecutive 250 page daily journal!)
There written in my unmistakable terrible penmanship, were my hopes, dreams, my soul vulnerable and still, who must have had control of my senses long enough to write an entire page outlining a prophecy for my future. It is calming to know that even after what I consider life-altering growth, I am still my Self. And when the momentary sadness I feel when I catch myself thinking…
“Why couldn’t my transformation have happened then?
I would be so much further along!”
I remind myself that nothing can happen before it can and that my patience has been rewarded with so many gifts.
The most important of which…authenticity!
Not just a nice place to visit a great place to live!
There are ups and downs and I haven’t been able to stave off all of the anxiety and depression but my struggles with my mental health no longer wield the same power they once did. I feel empowered by my vulnerability and as a result feel honest and powerful connections with others.
I feel like for the first time I am being seen by me!
All good things are rooted in love, laughter and learning!
PPS Did you know we all have a super power? Read more…